I love being with you – but I don’t want to be with you. 

We both have bad track records; lists of almosts and could have beens and mistakes.

I have a habit of Catch and Release. 

I test waters. Sometimes, I get comfortable. But water always grows cold. And eventually, I decide, the chills aren’t for me so it’s time to get out. And travel to the next river, that I’ll swear again will lead me someplace different; that I’ll promise again is real.

You have a habit of Head in the Clouds. 

You only see best case scenarios and cups half full. You like planning things, but you leave them unfinished. Because reality can’t match up to how they exist in your head. You’ll fall for the same beautiful, flawless idea over and over again. Even though you know ideas alone won’t fill your cup.

I have a habit of Grin and Bear. 

I insist that every new shoe fits, not because it’s my size – but because it looks pretty. I’ll put it on and parade around, even if it pinches into my skin and rubs blisters into my flesh. I’ll wear it until it doesn’t hurt anymore.

You have a habit of Tooth and Nail. 

You’re a fighter. And even in love, you fight. You’ll fight even if you’ll lose. It reminds you that you care; that you feel something. And that’s better than nothing.

I look at our lists and our habits, and the inventory of people we’ve hurt and lost. 

And I just don’t want to be next. 

I love being around you. But that’s all I want.

I want to be the closest I can be to you, without being with you.
 Because that’s the only way I know how to keep you around.