It’s a dangerous topic to dabble into, because people have become so quick to fight and to defend; to assume that If you are not with us, then you must be against us.

I had my qualms about putting this online, knowing that it doesn’t matter whether my grammar is flawed or flawless, whether my thoughts have been well or ill-expressed – someone out there is still going to find it offensive or ignorant. But ultimately, the hesitation I felt about being able to express my thoughts freely is exactly why it has to be done.

So let’s talk feminism.

There is a fear today of being associated with men-hating, aggressiveness, isolation and all the other negative connotations that come along with being a feminist which, essentially, have nothing to do with feminism – and everything to do with the way that it is being portrayed by some.

It’s become more acceptable to be an extreme feminist (I’m talking about the kind who advocates feminism in all the erroneous and misconceived ways, that give the rest of the world an excuse to dismiss feminism entirely as a joke) than it is to be a non-feminist. (A non-feminist, mind you, not an anti-feminist.)

Because as a female, fighting for feminism will empower you while not fighting for it will categorise you into the breed of women who are ignorant, ungrateful, feeble, and simply incapable of living without a man taking care of them and telling them what to do.

And to the men who have felt blamed, accused or villainised as a result of this cultural phenomenon, I apologise. Because that wasn’t our original intent; and we certainly shouldn’t have to push anyone down when trying to make our way up.

But let me tell you more about myself before we go into this further.

I’m 18 years old. I enjoy writing, making or listening to music, and watching frivolous television shows in my spare time. I aim to study Visual Communications in a Fashion Institute in LA. I don’t dream about getting married, settling down, having kids or being a homemaker. At least, not at this point in my life – not anytime soon. 

I am female. I am not a feminist.

See, the idea itself is beautiful. Feminism advocates equal civil rights, social rights and liberties to every individual regardless of gender. It’s a movement toward liberating women, and giving them the same rights over her body, her future and her lifestyle choices as any man.

“As any man.”

So what about those who don’t identify as either?

Discrimination exists, even with feminism slowly embedding itself into our society, into our legal systems. We still allow for loopholes that let discrimination happen right under our noses, loopholes that don’t protect or speak up for those who don’t see themselves as men and don’t see themselves as women. Because we still see the world as Blues and Reds, and we forget to see everything that exists in between.

We expect to change the whole world, while talking about one half of the population. And even when a reference is made to the other, it’s only to compare.

We want to be paid as much as men. We want the same civil rights as men. We want to be given the same education opportunities as men.

But men can be underpaid. Men can be denied education. Men can be discriminated against. Men can be sexually harassed. Men can be raped. But you’ve already heard that before.

We might not realise when we make these comparisons, that we are openly admitting our understanding of how to achieve “equality” is to use men as the benchmark of how women should be treated.

But why are we hitching our wagon to something that is fluid; that could still change in the near or distant future?

If one day, just as many boys are sold into prostitution, married off to women thrice their age, refused the chance to go to school. If one day, discrimination toward men rises to the level of discrimination toward women, would we then achieve what we are so desperately fighting for now? Equality? Because if women only deserve to be treated equally as men are treated, does that truly guarantee kind and fair treatment for everyone?

If we were to achieve better and fairer treatment, I wouldn’t want it to be because society recognises the worth and capability of the male gender and has to accept, by default, that “it’s only fair” if women were pulled up to the same level.

If we were to achieve better and fairer treatment, I’d want it to be because society genuinely recognises our worth and capability, regardless of whatever the status of our male counterpart is at any given point of time.

I’d want it to be because society has finally stopped comparing in bulk and realised that yes, we deserve to be treated equally. But also that individually, we have our own strengths and weaknesses; our own needs and wants that have nothing to do with whether we are female or male, but rather who we are as uniquely flawed human beings. And for that reason, we can afford to be treated suitably.

My value and worth as a human and to society shouldn’t have anything to do with men, but it shouldn’t have anything to do with another woman either. It shouldn’t be dependent on anything else except for the fact that I am human with distinct character traits and skills, and so is everyone else.

I am not a feminist.

But that does not mean that I don’t acknowledge the flaws in this world – that I don’t see tragedy, inequality or segregation. It does not mean that I think everything is PERFECT, and ponies, and rainbows.

Just because I do not label myself a feminist, does not mean you get the right to label me as anything else. Just because I do not label myself a feminist, does not mean that I don’t want the same things for our world.

I do believe that all girls deserve the opportunity to be educated; that all girls have a choice; to say no, to say yes, to say not right now, or to not say anything at all; that girls are not objects solely here to sate the needs of men.

I do believe in all these things, not because we are girls, and not because girls are “equal” to boys. This has nothing to do with men. And everything to do with being a person, and it’s simple as that.

I don’t believe that if she is not a feminist, she automatically believes that girls do not deserve to be educated. That if she is not a feminist, she automatically believes that girls do not deserve to have a choice. That if she is not a feminist, she automatically believes that girls are sexual objects or property.

Because lately, all these fervent blog posts and vehement campaigns declaring that “all women have a choice” – have in turn left me feeling like I have no choice but to be a feminist.

Because that defeats the entire point of feminism in the first place.

So when I say I am not a feminist, I don’t mean I don’t want change.

When I say I’m not a feminist, what I don’t want is a label. Because maybe labels have given us a reason to divide ourselves and dwell on our differences, rather than remind us of where we are overlap.

It really doesn’t matter what we call ourselves; what we identify as, be it feminist, non-feminist, humanist, egalitarian, equitist – because at the end of the day if you are a person who simply believes in respect, love and consideration for all, then our goals will be the same.

And if we’d stopped standing up for ourselves as genders, races or sexualities, and started standing up for each other as human beings, then perhaps we could have already achieved what were trying to do all along.

Published adaptations: Elite Daily